Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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