i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
