just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
