just come out here and I will go home with you...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm like, not good at living.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
