Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The air taste purple.
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