By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
