I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
