Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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