No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
