You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
