You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
