Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am naked and annoyed.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
