I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize