I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
