i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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