I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
