I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
