You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
