I skipped work to stalk him.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
