Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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