I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
