god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
