just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
