On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Screwed.edu
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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