So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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