people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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