Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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