What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
