I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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