it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
