Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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