the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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