Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
