the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
