Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
