we have pet lesbian snakes
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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