Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
