i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I wish there were birth control emojis
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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