she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
