I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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