Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
