sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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