Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
