at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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