she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I love you. Go after that dick
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
