Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
