I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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