Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
