pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
