Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
