It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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