I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
