So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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