glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
