I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
