Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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