Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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