hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
