ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
