I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
