Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize