Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
