Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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