Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
