Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
