so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
