carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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