Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
