i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
