What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize