bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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