the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
