Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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