Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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