did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Is Oprah even human
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize