i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
