it was like eating out sand paper
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
