Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
