she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
