At least make sure they are 18
Why
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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