We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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