Is it normal to miss your booty call?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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