the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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