I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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