I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
