2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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