ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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