Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
