I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
