So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
