Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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