The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
