ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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