we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
