Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
