you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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