Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
