Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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