whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We had sex on a dog bed..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
