she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
