I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
