How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
