WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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