haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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