he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I did not marry a roomba.
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